A few things

1. Home insurance companies of Britain, I salute your brazen cheek. Advertising campaigns offering home insurance to protect against Mother Nature's worst? Some might call that mightily insensitive. Others would call it bloody good business sense.

2. Although it confuses, and on some level, disgusts me to say this, this man is the rawest, sexiest and dirtiest man in London.. for the next three weeks at least.Sleeping with his two backing dancer twins? I'd say so.

3. Dear couple in the queue for ticket collection at Prince last Friday,

You look freakishly alike. Brother and sister freakishly alike. Those with a background in psychology would doubtless have something intelligent to say. I shall stick with a vague nod to family issues and repressed childhood desires.

4. I take it back. Prince is the second-most attractive man in London at the moment. That honour goes to Mr McGowan. I saw Little Shop of Horrors last night. Worth every penny of the twenty pounds ticket price just to see him in leather trousers being a sadistic, arrogant bastard - just up my street (sadly). It's the sideburns, I think. For some inexplicable reason, I seem to have a thing for sideburns. But god, I would do dirty, dirty things to that man. Dirty.

He also looks uncannily like somebody I used to know, but that's another story for another day.

I've finished being vacuous now.